Friends. They are the people that you can lean on in times of need, and the ones you will celebrate with in times of success. They are the set of people you cannot imagine your life without. Sometimes they are even more close to you than your own family. You love them next to your partners, or even more. You are not afraid to show your true self to them, knowing that they will be accepting you for whoever, or whatever, you are. So, friends.
They say that the people you love the most are the ones who can give you the most painful heartbreak. I partially believe in this, for I have not felt that much pain when I and my ex broke up even though I knew that he was the center of my life during those time. I guess that was because of my friends who cheered me up during those times of despair. They, who never missed to tell me that there are a lot of men out there who will love you truly. My friends.
The past few days had incurred what seem to me the deepest, most insulting wound in my heart. I know my friends have every right to get mad, so what can I do? I have arranged a gathering which I cannot attend. I know, I know, this is so f*cking wrong. My only mistake is that I have arranged it ahead of time without even looking at my schedule that week. Well actually, I do not have any scheduled activity on that day supposedly. It was just a few days before the said date that my job informed me that I have to go there that day. Honestly, I knew the conflict by the time my job informed me, and I had actually thought carefully what to choose. I informed the agency that I cannot go that day, but they told me that they need me there. I said that I will just text them if I can make it. The morning of that freaking day, I made up my mind that I'll go to my work because I believe that my friends will accept my decision and will understand my needs. After all, they are my friends.
But I was wrong. Maybe because I told them I cannot go hours before the meeting time. And I told them about this through a comment in a social networking site, wherein I saw how the, well, slightly harsh comments came in. I mean, yeah, I know it is my fault, but those reactions were far from what I've expected. And there it is, I was so much wounded that I cannot even make a single post in this site, on the fear of being bashed. Up to this moment, their words kept on echoing in my mind. I cannot bear that these people whom I love so much, hate me. What makes it even worse is that my first guy love is included in this set of friends. and his words are the harshest of all those that I have read. I know that it is all my fault, that's why it hurts even more. I just want to earn some for my future expenses, including several celebrations with them, for I can't bear it anymore to be a leech to their financial prowess. But I guess this doesn't really matter, for they are my friends.
So, I would like to take this opportunity to say sorry. Sorry for ditching you that day. I know, this blog doesn't even tell anything about my true personality, and you might not see this, and that's what I exactly tend to do, for you think that my apology sounds irritating. Of course, this hurting brought some kind of anger in me, but no one would care about this for sure. Besides, I do not have any right to be mad. So again, sorry friends, I will not do that again. For your convenience, I will not also show up for the next months or so. So enjoy your lives, and God bless, my beloved friends...
P.S. As I write this, tears are about to fall from my eyes. Yeah, it hurts that much. This is the truly the deepest wound of my heart. So for the people who will be able to read this, love your friends, and never ditch them. So for the people who will be able to read this, love your friends, and never ditch them.
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