Love (Stupid!)

" Love makes the world go round." "Love is blind." "All you need is love"

Love. Something which is so overrated. People usually go crazy over love, some are even eilling to die for it- why is this so? They said that being in love can be the greatest thing that can happen in your life; that feeling of being sincerely loved by someone can be the best feeling you can ever have in your life; that you can pass through all sufferings if there's love to sustain you. But is love really like that?

Three years ago, I had a boyfriend. He was, technically, the first person whom I told about my true feelings, and my identity. Ever since I was in my first grade, I already knew I am unique: I am attracted to guys, not just physically but also sexually. Yes, at a very early age I was aware of those things, and I blame all those tabloids showing almost naked men for making me like this, haha. Anyway, at that time, that ex of mine had accepted me fully, and our relationship as friends was not affected by such confession. Years after having no contact, our roads had crossed again, not knowing that this merge of path will take us to the road of love. To cut it short, we went into a relationship, which lasted for only two months. Two months of unforgettable experiences and moments, which are still very vivid in my mind up to date. Two months of feeling that you are being loved back by someone, finally. When we broke up, my initial reaction is that, "at last, I'm free". But months, even years later, these memories of two months had almost killed me. I miss our every moment together, his whispering of i love yous on the phone, and his hands holding mine so tight. I miss the way he makes me feel his love for me, or shall I say his "love for me". Three years after, he said to me that he just gave our relationship a "try" , maybe out of curiosity or whatsoever- I dunno, after he said the word "try", my brain had stopped pricessing the rest of the convo. So I wonder, where did those feelings- his affection and passion- for me came from? More so, was I really in live with him? or was it just that I was overwhelmed by the fact that for the first time, someone real us actually responding to my I love yous?

It is with this experience that I have lost faith in love, especially homosexual love. You can' t blame me, for in every blogpost, stories and photos of homosexual couple I see, I always see a pair of good looking guys- something that I am not, at least for myself. No doubt I have the brains, the money- well I am resourceful, and I can find ways to earn money- but certainly not the looks. I am dark skinned, not so tall, fat ( though I think I have lost weight in the couse of my work outs), and not so good looking teeth. All I can boast of is my personality, something that people love- in a platonic way- about me. Every time I have my crushes, or even those peole whom I fall in love with, I end up being hurt and frustrated. And everyone who is in love, whether they like it or not, is hurting, in one way or another. So, why love?

The answer is already there. Loving is hurting, and hurting is loving. Sounds a bit masochist huh? But this is true. It does not necessarily means that you have to be hurt, physically or emotionally, to be considered as a person who is sincerely loving. Sometimes, it's just that loving requires us to make sacrifices, something which can cayse us great pain, but eternal happiness for those that we love. You may feel bad at first:  but as you see him or her happy in the future, you'll learn to accept and be contented with what you have and what had happened

For the true essence of love is in hurting, not in loving.