This is something I really hate about myself. I easily fall for people.
I know, as of now, it's just admiration- you're just my crush. But I'm not even supposed to feel this way for you. I promised that never will I fall in love, or even have a crush on you. And hell no, I have no plans of breaking any promise that I have already done.
I met you in a male chatting site wherein I have recently entered this month. I wasn't expecting too much from there, or maybe I wasn't expecting for anything at all. I just registered there for experience, trying my luck and taking chances to find new friends, and maybe lover(s). LOL.
You were the second person whom I felt comfortable with chatting in the site, though you were the first who had learned of my real identity. You said to me that you were someone I can trust. And being the gullible person that I am, I easily gave in. I know that my instincts were never wrong when it comes to the people whom I will be trusting, and I know you are not an exemption. We exchanged phone numbers, and you even planned of talking in skype the first time we texted. I became sweet to you, knowing that you like those people like me. Then the friendship grew deeper, and that was the time you told be about your partner, whom you broke up with recently. Honestly, I saw that as an opening for me. I showed much concern to you, as you did to me too. Then you added me in another social networking site, warning me and asking my word not to fall in love or have crush on you. That was the first text that I got that morning, and that made my day a living hell. I was so pissed off by your arrogance that I hurriedly checked my account to see you photos. And there, I was disappointed to see someone not of my type appear on the screen. I told you that i will never have any feelings for you. And that's final.
But for the past few days, we've been talking a lot to each other. At first, through our phones, then later on in skype. I am enjoying your company, for we have good conversations, and you have good sensibility. But recently, we kept on talking about your ex. At first, I liked it when I give advice to you. But damn it, when you said that you were calling each other again and up for some reconciliation thingy, i felt so fucked up. MAN, IT HURTS. I don't know why, but I feel freaking jealous, or at the very least possessive. I saw your face live today, and your smile looks awesome. But then again, I should not fall for this, for I have promised.
So maybe, it's a good bye for now. I am currently stalking you right now, and I am currently convincing myself that you are not someone I would fall for; that those were not the looks of the ideal guy I have been dreaming of. But then again, it's a tedious process which requires a lot of efforts and self control, just like what you are trying to do right now. So I have to keep some distance from you first. I will try.
But before that, I would like to put all my feelings in here. I know you wouldn't be able to read this and know this. And that's the way it should be.
"I like you dude. I really really do. And maybe...
I love you."
Goodbye to this unrequited feeling. I will never break my promise, so don't you worry.
